LETTER TO MALIQ

Dear beautiful Maliq… First of all, let me tell you how deeply in love I am with you! The moment I found out I was pregnant I sat on my bed bawling… not because I wasn’t happy but because I was in complete shock. 

I was scared, but I knew I was destined to be your mother, I had no choice but to give you life.

The moment I saw you for the first time I sat staring at you sleeping in your hospital crib and cried! You were so perfect, I was overwhelmed with the emotions of pure unconditional love! I knew that all I had to go through in order to keep you was completely worth it.

Sometimes I feel as if I’ve failed as a mother because you have an absent father. Although I know you don’t need him, I also know how much pain it causes you at the fact that he is not around. I know that you think it’s your fault and my sweet sweet boy let me tell you that it is not. You’re the most caring loving little boy I’ve ever met and I’m so very proud of you. 

You’re only six so you don’t understand how to express your emotions yet, but mummy knows that you are hurting and I wish I could stop the hurt my precious boy. I’ve watched your confidence slowly disappear… you’ve now become introverted compared to how you used to be when your father was in your life. You’ve had to deal with a second father figure leaving your life also and I know you feel abandoned and unloved.

Every male you love leaves you and you don’t understand why, But Mummy understands and you will ALWAYS have me. Mummy will never leave you or abandon you… Mummy will always be there to support you and love you! As long as you have me dear Maliq, I promise you will NEVER need anybody else.

You are my whole heart, I find myself being harder on you than your little brother and it’s because his dad’s in the picture. But you, you’re a full reflection of me and if I fail you I have no one to blame but myself. 

Doesn’t make it right… of course and it’s something I’m working on, I would never want you to grow up thinking I loved your brother more than you because that would never be the case. 

Nobody understands your pain the way I do… I get the feeling of your father being absent, as I’ve felt this pain too my dear child. I still haven’t healed, so it touches a deep emotional nerve every time your father hurts you. 

You saw your father a few days ago and you told me that he didn’t know how old you were and that you had to tell him you were six and a half! You never forget the half part lol you came home upset and attempted to cry yourself to sleep because you didn’t know the next time you’d see him again. Mummy found you and held you. 

Maliq if Mummy knew that you were going to see your father, I would have never let you go to nanny’s house, as all I’m trying to do is protect you from him, Maliq. Please son, understand that as long as I’m breathing, I will always have your back, Mummy loves you more than my words can describe. I named you KING for a reason… 

Mummy x 

Instagram: @coolie_honeyb

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