DEAR JOSHY, THANK YOU

My Joshy, 

First of all, thank you for choosing me to be your mummy. You were that blessing in disguise that I needed in my life.

What do I mean? Well mi gordo, I felt I needed to change my way of thinking, “I need to travel more, I need to change my social life”, but God had other plans and knew you were the addition that I needed.

From the very moment I found out you were on your way, Joshy, I felt scared because I didn’t feel ready to be a mother and the thought of me having to love, protect and care for someone more than myself was terrifying, but with all those emotions combined I instantly fell in love with you and was fuelled with the courage I needed.

I didn’t think twice. I didn’t even care what your dad would think or say and if the world opposed because I loved you and to me that was and will always be enough. I promise you my Joshy, that no one in this world will love you more than I do.

This weekend has been such a sad one because you’ve been throwing up and not feeling your usual happy self. It kills me to see you like this and I wish it were me. Every time I see you so vulnerable it reminds me of when I gave birth to you.

You came a few days before you were meant to and so quickly; now I think about it even your birth was bossy, but you were so small and fragile, I nearly lost you. With your heart rate dropping rapidly had I not pushed you out when I did, and gone through the emergency caesarean, doctors said you wouldn’t have made it! Follow the link to read my full birth story – https://erifernanda.blog/2018/03/15/my-little-miracle-2/

From the day you were born I give thanks for the strength you have given me, a strength I never knew existed. And everyday it’s that same strength that pulls me through when I need it most, like right now looking after you when really I wish I could just take this pain from you. But all I can do is hold you, soothe you and wait it to be over.

And when you are back to your usual bossy, naughty but funny self, please remember mummy loves you and when I tell you off it’s because I want you to grow with morals and respect. Believe it or not but it hurts me more than you to tell you off and put you on that naughty step. 

I look forward to spending my life loving and guiding you my handsome boy and whatever life throws at us, we will go overcome it together.

Te amo.

Mummy. 

Instagram: @eri_fernanda120

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