THIS IS MOTHERHOOD

January 20th 2017:

I was meant to board my plane to Australia with a one way ticket to begin my adventure. From the age of 16 travelling was all I ever dreamt about. If ever asked what I wanted to achieve, “see the world” is what I’d repeatedly reply. The ultimate dream was to make money whilst travelling from city to city, country to country and work my way around the globe, literally. It wasn’t long before I began realising that hopes and dreams don’t always work that way, something else might just come your way.

I often declare that she was meant to be but the truth is I fell pregnant at 21 with nothing to give. How was that possibly ‘meant to be’? No financial foundation, family unit, or home ready to welcome her arrival – it was hardly a fairytale destined to be. The crazy thing is when the test appeared positive I was shocked but not one bit of me was scared. Though both the future and motherhood was completely unknown to me with no guarantee, she was staying and that’s all I knew. Surely I wasn’t naive enough to believe it would be a walk in the park but I guess you could say I underestimated just how much motherhood really is: a world of its own – forever evolving and blossoming yet falling and failing and around we go again – a forever lasting cycle.

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ONE YEAR LATER…

I never imagined ever reaching a point in my life where I’d own the title, ‘single mum’. A wedding, a beach wedding to be precise and a never ending fairy tale love was what I unquestionably believed awaited me. I blame Disney. And though many are blessed enough to experience the magical dream, many are not so fortunate.

Though I still carry hope that one day I may just find my Prince Charming who’ll love me forever, bless me with his name and grow old together. The dream just isn’t that simple anymore. No longer is it just I they’ll need to love, but me and mine they’ll need to cherish. I come as a package, it’s not just me you’ll need to learn about. And if it’s only half the package you desire, then we can go no further. You see now, the dream just isn’t that simple anymore. Once it was all so simple and something I wanted, but finding love just isn’t on my agenda anymore. The heartache of my family break up still breaks me daily till this day.

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DREAM BIG MYLA

Our skin to skin moments, our painfully beautiful breastfeeding sessions, our new-born days of non-stop smooches and snuggles – all feels like it was just yesterday. Time quickly vanished before my eyes, it’s only now it’s gone I realise how little of it we really had, yet in the moment it felt like it’d last a lifetime.

As each day goes by, and you get bigger, it’s the photos I look back on that remind me of just how fast your growing. I remember so vividly the days your dad and I Continue reading DREAM BIG MYLA

LITTLE PRINCESS TRUST

I remember feeling numb after being shown the scans and hearing the confirmation of my diagnosis, “Miss Vargas, what you can see in these scans are ulcers in your colon which is causing the inflammation. We can confirm you have Ulcerative Colitis. It is not curable but you will be given medication to manage the symptoms”. Calm and collected, seemingly grateful if anything, is how I presented whilst listening to the Dr tell me how my life would change forever.

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PEANUT’S FIRST BLOODY ACCIDENT

Everything stopped and panic took over – tears, screams, the lot. I never thought about what my reaction would be when Myla eventually had an accident, with blood! It was scary stuff that’s for sure. Being abroad as a solo parent made it all that bit more frightening – not knowing what immediate action to take.

Thankfully, my mother is usually a phone call away, when she decides to answer her phone that is. She has been a nanny for as long as I can remember and is first aid qualified for small children/babies. So of course, I called her straight away and her reassuring response was quick to calm me down, though I cried mostly Continue reading PEANUT’S FIRST BLOODY ACCIDENT

10 MUST HAVE BABY HOLIDAY ITEMS

First time holiday packing for myself and mini me was surprisingly simple, I seemed to think there would be an endless list of things I’d need to pack for peanut and that’s exactly what it was, but the thought of it was more overwhelming than the packing itself.

Before mum life I don’t think there’s one holiday I’ve packed accordingly for. Totally convinced I needed to pack two to three outfits for each day. “I’ll wear this to breakfast, this during the day and this to dinner” is what I’d say to myself while packing. Funnily enough, It’s usually the morning after arrival, whilst searching for something to put over my bikini, of course, only gone and forgot Continue reading 10 MUST HAVE BABY HOLIDAY ITEMS

DEAR PEANUT,

A year later – it still amazes me that I held you inside of my body whilst you developed from a foetus to a baby, then quite literally, entered the world while exiting from my very womb. The truth is I’ll never truly grasp it!

You blessed my life the second your presence was revealed. Though let’s be honest, I had no clue what life would look like or how I would provide a fruitful life for you. But the one thing I did know for certain, was that baby, you were staying. Whilst I sat on my bed staring at the wall in shock, I gently cupped the bottom of my stomach with my palm (way too early to cup anything but it’s a pregnant thing) and whispered to myself “we got this”. Now, I may have come to terms with it almost immediately but the thought of telling family and friends made me feel sick, that nervous sickly feeling that just sits and hangs in the pit of your stomach.

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FAR FROM PERFECT BUT THAT’S THE MOTHERHOOD JOURNEY

Ambition has always been one of my strongest traits, one that has helped me find my way back on track when I’ve lost sense of direction. So, when I was pregnant and people would say “your life is going to change, your dreams and aspirations will go down the drain”, it would hit a nerve and I’d say “no actually, my baby will only inspire me to continue”. But behind these words, it was needless to say, as much as I loved the kicks and the bump, I was frightened for if it really were the end to my progression in my profession.

During pregnancy though, I made it my sole focus to enjoy my ever-growing womb – ensuring this tiny human in creation felt good vibes from early. I may not have planned to become a mum so soon but I always knew I would try my very best when it was time. I was very well aware that a child’s development does not begin once they’re born, the foetus’s brain starts forming just three weeks after conception. An unborn baby will sense any stress which will affect them, putting them at risk of things like depression, however, positive emotions will embed strength and wellness. Which is why I told her I loved her the minute her existence was revealed and don’t go a day without telling her she’s strong, smart and beautiful.

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