FEARS OF MOTHERHOOD

Hey Beauties and Beasts, Hope you’re all groovy.

I’ve always been one who can adapt to change quite fast, might be hard at the very start but I am able to come around in the end. However, I don’t think adapting to being pregnant is anything that happens over night to be honest! Well definitely not for me anyway. Fears of motherhood have consumed me so much that it’s stopped me from being able to fully embrace my pregnancy despite the fact I’m actually excited.

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MATERNITY FEELS

Hey Beauties and Beasts! I hope you are all well.

Since I last told you about the dramatic sickness of my 1st trimester, things have changed, Thank God. I don’t wanna jinks nothing though so let’s forget about the sickness business!

Since then, I’m so happy to say that I finally have some energy back, feeling a little bit like myself again and have been able to get back to work! There’s one physical change that’s happened that I try laugh at because its something I’ve never felt before. Wanting to cut off my nipples is something I don’t think I’ve ever said before but have been saying it every day since I entered my 2nd trimester. Words cannot describe how itchy they have been, I’ve even resorted to squeezing them the tightest I can to see if that helps. Like there not even sore man, there itchy, anyone who’s had an itchy downstairs whilst walking and your leg starts twitching like crazy, its like that but 100 times itchier an double the itch because its two nipples and its everyday with this craziness!!! I don’t know if that means I’m gonna have lots of milk, maybe I should google it but all I know is that its annoying as fcuk, tell you that for free mate! I’ve been using coconut oil and cocoa butter to soothe them and to be honest it just feels nice, it hasn’t helped the itch at all lol so I’m still searching for my remedy.

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1ST TRIMESTER

Hey Beauties and Beasts, hope you are all groovy.

I have one word to describe my 1st trimester, traumatising! Not even exaggerating, I really did not expect it to be as hard as it has been. I got to six weeks pregnant and I remember my aunty saying to me that she thinks I’m gonna have an easy first trimester because I still hadn’t experienced any nausea or sickness and it apparently usually kicks in at 4 weeks, obviously everyone’s different so its different for everyone! I just remember being happy when she would say this to me and I’d be like yeah course I’m a Vargas I got this man.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS

Hey Beauties and Beasts, hope you are all happy and healthy.

I know I’ve started previous posts with I don’t know where to start but with this one  I actually don’t because this day was possibly the scariest day of my life. I don’t even know how many times I’ve joked with my parents about being pregnant and it’s funny because I can actually saying JOKEEEE after cos I am actually joking lol but never did I imagine how scary it would really be when telling them I’m pregnant for real haha!!

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FIRST A&E VISIT

Hey Beauties and Beasts. Where do I start with these crazy A & E  visits, well they definitely were not expected so soon into my pregnancy whatsoever, I legit did not even expect pregnancy to be this hard for me but hey. My first A & E visit was literally a day after I actually found out I was pregnant, mad!

I had gone to the GP as soon as I found out I was knocked up lol to let them know I guess and start the process, I didn’t really know what to expect as this is my first pregnancy. The lady asked loads of questions as they do, she even tried to convince me to come back in two weeks after I’ve made a decision of whether I was going to keep the baby or not, I had to just laugh and just tell her I’m keeping the baby and my decision is not moving left or right and smile because she was really persistent and starting to annoy me!  Anyway, she went on to remind me that I’m at a high risk of experiencing a complicated pregnancy due to my condition,  explaining that I should look out for particular symptoms and if I start to experience them then I need to go straight to the hospital. As you can imagine I left the GP on panic mode like proper watching out for the symptoms for the rest of the day.

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TEST SAID YES

Hey Beauties and beasts, I don’t really know where to start with this one to be honest, I felt all emotions yet none at the same time when I saw the test said yes. I felt a kind of numbness all over my body, I laughed and cried at the same time, I stared at my wall with no expression on my face for a bit while a thousand thoughts crossed my mind, I was lost for words because at this point it still didn’t even seem real. For the next couple of weeks, I honestly felt like I was in a dream, it just really wasn’t sinking in. In that week I took so many tests just to make sure I was actually pregnant because part of me was thinking I can’t be, there’s no way!

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THE CONSCIOUS MUM

Hey beauties and beasts, hope you’re all well and happy.  I still can’t even believe that I’m actually going to be writing about being a conscious mum because being a mum was not on the cards for at least another 10 years, ok maybe not ten years but you know what I mean. My plan was to travel this year to Australia for a year and write about my personal conscious journey as an individual and focus on the work I do as a trainer with young people. However, from very young, my plans never actually go according to plan, there always has to be some sort of twist or turn in the works. This time the unexpected twist is that I’m having a baby, not exactly something I can undo or go into Topshop and ask for a refund because the item wasn’t what I expected haha. One thing I’ve always had clear though, is that if this situation ever did happen, without thinking twice, I would do my best to be the best mum I can be. As well as continuing my journey of my personal development and consciousness, I have been blessed with a new perspective, as a mum.

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