When I went to confirm my pregnancy and the doctor congratulated me, it took me a whole minute to realise she wasn’t being sarcastic.Continue reading EVERYTHING CHANGED
It’s something I could never have prepared for, a family dynamic I never imagined would be mine. A constant contrast between love and hate – forever searching for the middle ground. I’ve found it to be one of the hardest things I’ve experienced to date. I know some people who co-parent are best-friends say it wasn’t without it’s battles, it’s a struggle, it’s a process and an ongoing challenge. Becoming best friends from a state thought of as irreparable is undoubtedly a process, a process I’m regularly questioning the reality of.Continue reading BITTERSWEET CO-PARENTING TRUTHS
With you I’m whole that’s why I keep chasing you. I’ve searched for you everywhere, in people, places and even objects. I thought I found you, but every time, you’ve been short lived – why can’t I find you?
Being the only girl in my family, other than mother, people would assume ‘princess of the house’ was my character. I mean, I’d be lying if I said there were never moments where yes, mum, dad and David treated me like royalty. However, far from erasing the frequent and high in complexity turbulence’s that stuck to me like hot glue during my years of development, years of confusion, loneliness and escapism.Continue reading CONSCIOUS OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS
You don’t get a manual when your baby is born, however you’ll still get told all the do’s and don’ts of motherhood. Once Myla was born, without delay, family, friends, midwifes, fellow mothers insisted I breastfed her, “formula doesn’t have the nutrients and healthy stuff that your breastmilk has so you can’t take that away from her”. I tried, i really did. Truth is recovering from a C-section and learning how to breastfeed became way too challenging. So I stopped. I knew I would be judged, I knew of others who were able to breastfeed for a lot longer than I did and I knew breastmilk was the best for my baby. So inevitably guilt grew within me and it was merely unbearable.
As a mum when unable to do something you ‘should’ be doing or do differently to others, that’s when comparison can drive you insane; because I start to question if I’m doing a good job, I start to think they are doing better than me, I start feeling guilty for something and I start to fear being judged. The crazy thing is, there will always be something. Should I give her a dummy or not? So and so does or so and so doesn’t. Should I not be rocking her to sleep? Should she be sleeping on her own by now? How did that mum’s body recover so fast? How does that mum look good all the time? and How does that mum juggle everything so well?Continue reading COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY